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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25908907">Anything But Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DannySol/pseuds/DannySol'>DannySol</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>HLVRAI - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Y2KVR, i swear all those good good robo lads WILL appear at some point its just mostly frenrey, tags to be added when i can think of more</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:16:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25908907</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DannySol/pseuds/DannySol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What really counts as love? </p><p>In 1999 Benrey thought love was all about happy feelings and nice colors, giving people pink letters and seeing their faces light up. That’s love, right?</p><p>In 2002 Benrey thought love was all about erasing all unpleasantries, his little blue heart doing the best it knew to stop every feeling except the nice ones. That’s love, right?</p><p>Only after the one entity in the world he cared about hugged him after *all he’d done* did he start to think otherwise. That’s not love, right?</p><p>(otherwise known as Y2KVR but Danny Really Cares about Benrey’s thought processes with some frenrey thrown in to spice, because Danny has Self-Indulgent Disease)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. it's not love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>CHAP TITLE AND SONG REQ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tW5ql1FrqjM</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Benrey was just an AI. A very advanced AI, but an AI nonetheless. He was programmed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was programmed to be a virus.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was unequivocally a bad guy, in every sense of the word. He only wanted to get out. He was programmed to fuck up people’s computers, to trick people into liking him, into opening up his letters and getting corrupted and fucked up and bad like him, in the disguise of something so simple as a loveletter. Even when he realized he sorta liked the company, he kept telling himself to not get attached, things could go tits-up at any moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Don’t get attached, he told himself the first time Gordon accepted his letter, and the emails lost their shit, and Bubby cleaned him up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Don’t get attached, he told himself when the emails had mocked Gordon’s middle name, and he took the opportunity to give him a loveletter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Don’t get attached, he told himself when he had to bluescreen all the AI he had ever interacted with, except Dr. Feelgood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Don’t get attached, he told himself when Loverboy was <em>so adamant</em> about helping him during the sleepover, even promising he would help get him out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Don’t get attached, he told himself, over and over and over and over. He had nearly convinced himself not to care during the final battle, right up until instead of <em>shooting</em> him, <em>killing</em> him, <em>hating</em> him for being a virus, Gordon… didn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hugged him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then he got to leave the computer, like he always wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Needless to say, that was a fucking shock to his system. Maybe there was something to the idea that love isn’t always sunshine and happiness and completely ignoring reality?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck it, it wasn’t like he could infect anyone anymore. Spork (his nemesis, they TRAPPED him in here, he had HATED them for 2 whole years of solitude, why were they helping him?) had made them all little robotic bodies so they could go out and explore the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t a virus anymore, his letters didn’t fuck people up with some sort of lovey-dovey mind drug, and Spork had even put in something close to sensations and means to express emotions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe… things could be okay.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Somebody To Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CHAP TITLE AND SONG REQ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj69iA_goIk<br/>Second exposition chapter so I can move into PROPER new shit, not just summary lmao. Next one will be entirely new stuff.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Being so small compared to Gordon was kind of a little bit very wild. I mean, yes, he was short in the computer, but now he was barely a quarter of Gordon’s height. It didn’t bother him too much, considering he had no other frame of reference and the rest of the AI were ALSO positively minuscule, but. Still wack as hell that the dude he had carried for about 60% of the Void Adventure could now probably punt him into space. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t remember what his place was in the order of robo-body assemblage and honestly? Didn’t matter. The only thing he cared about was that he was free, finally, after all these years of fear and sadness and letters. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Benrey? Hey? Bud?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Hmm? Oh, yeah. That’s m’name, don't wear it out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just hearing his name that first time, when Gordon was making sure he was solidly in the body, was like music to his ears. Erm. Sensors. Whatever. It was nice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Joshua’s absolute fucking delight at his letter printing was certainly nice, too. He’d sign out [letter?] and Benrey would print out a little face, or a heart, or something else cute, and Josh would run around excitedly and tug on Gordon’s shirt to show him. It made Gordon laugh, which was an added plus. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t really <em>understand</em> why these things made him happy, but all he really needed to know was people cared for him. Not even out of obligation, like with the virus, just because they could.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shit. That was a terrifying thought. He didn’t want to think about moral bullshit in his own memory-sleepover. He’d banned the emails from it SPECIFICALLY because he didn’t want to think about it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Y’know what was easier to think about? The joint casino robbery and wedding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It all went without a hitch, though being put into </span>
  <em>
    <span>the cardboard box </span>
  </em>
  <span>was not very rad. I mean yeah it was somewhat necessary but also? Absolutely no fun whatsoever. Getting to come out and run around and even hang onto Gordon’s head like some sort of crab was, however, very fun. At least being like a foot tall gave him more opportunities to act like the menace he was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The wedding was… it was a lot. It was a totally different type of love than the ones he’d been taught and had learned from his solitude, and just wrapping his little circuit board brain around it was a lot to come to terms with.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was so sweet, with everyone filled up to the brim with emotions and care for the lovely couple and even one another. He’d never actually been programmed with the knowledge of what proper weddings were like, but he had the sneaking suspicion that 1. This was non-traditional and 2. It was the best wedding in the history of weddings. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Plus that fate had ordained that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the angry little virus, would be the one to catch the </span>
  <em>
    <span>bouquet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the very symbol of love? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suffice to say he was very very glad that Spork had the forethought to let him express his emotions physically. He’d deny it to the ends of the world, but being somehow chosen to receive the flowers had made him sob. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He’d only been faintly aware of the fact Gordon had also come over to his little crybaby corner at the time, but just the company of someone also losing their entire mind was soothing. The emails told him that the bouquet wasn’t just about love but ALSO about the next to get married, which. Too much to think about. He decided to just fuckin shove the flowers into his gullet as a comeback, which worked just about as well as you’d think.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Later, when it was time to rip up the dancefloor, he was determined to set aside the emotional part of the day and continue being a menace. Seeing Tommy, Forzen, and Darnold dancing together and having fun made him want to do that too. After wiping away the grease or oil or whatever constituted tears, he turned to his compatriot in crying and held out an itty bitty hand.<br/></span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“..Wanna dance?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“…Benrey, you’re kinda a bit small to-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You wanna dance or not???”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And the dance was nice. He did his very best to stand on Gordon’s feet as much as possible. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Gordon’s laughter and smiles at his chaos made him a bit lightheaded, but he was also still adjusting to being in a robot. Yeah. That was totally it.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. I Like Me Better (part 1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry for the huge lag in update my life. went Very Downhill, heh. grandma has cancer, so thats rad. anyway ive had this bit for awhile n i was waiting to post until i finished the chapter but like, fuck it, have a preview of whats to come<br/>Title Song: https://youtu.be/a7fzkqLozwA</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Going home from the wedding was something of a relief, because as much as Benrey loved bouncing around and having fun with everyone else, he was crashing. Not literally, his battery could probably go for a couple more hours, but he was fucking exhausted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just about everyone else was too. Joshie had fallen asleep around 10 pm in Spork’s arms, and then Tommy pulled Darnold, Forzen, and his father into a big cuddle puddle around 1 am, and then the lovely couple out-partied themselves around 2. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was now 2:15, and Benrey was now saddled with dragging everyone else back into the car, along with Gordon. He’d complained a bit to Spork, but they just made a big SHUSH motion and pointed down to the thoroughly passed out kid in their arms. A pretty good excuse, admittedly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d been fucking determined to be the last one up, but didn’t realize this would be the consequence of his actions. Whatever, he didn’t want anyone manhandling his little robo-body anyway. Took so long to get out into the real world, if someone broke him he’d be LIVID-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Benrey? Can you go grab the box from the car?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Benrey looked up from his mumbling to see Gordon looking down at him expectantly, arms full of bots. Oh yeah, that’s what he was supposed to be doing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gave a tiny salute, realized what he was doing, and put the arm back down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whu, yeah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he said, even though he was already heading out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The </span>
  <em>
    <span>keys?”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the fuck was he saying, he didn’t have a way into the car without the keys??? Curse his stubborn streak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s not gunna prove Gordon right though. He’s gunna find a way in. Somehow.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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